One of the contractors at work drove past my shack on a forklift yesterday, stopped, backed up to my window and said, “hey, do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend?”
My knee jerk response when asked this, even if it’s by a companionable dude old enough to be my dad, is to go, “uh, nah-” and then ramble uncomfortably until someone stops me-
-which is what I started to do, only to be cut off by Contractor saying, in an embarrassed rush, “some of the guys were asking me because you and I talk sometimes, but I didn’t want them to hit on you at work, so I told them that you Worship the Devil and would Hex them if they tried. I’m sorry.”
Which leaves me wheezing helplessly, trying to get my shit together, because this is honestly one of the nicest, most hysterical things I’ve ever heard someone say to me.
Oblivious to this, Contractor then follows up with, “and they were like ‘forreal??’ so I was like, ‘yeah, she’s probably a sadist, too, you can tell by her jewelry. She’ll stab you or something.’”
And tbh I can’t even come up with anything witty to say in response, so all I manage to choke out is, “pleASE LET THEM CONTINUE TO THINK THAT, I’M BEGGING YOU.”
And Contractor just smiles and is like, “Okay! I just wanted to let you know!” before driving off with his forklift.
Like?? Thank god for Contractor tbh. He’s an angel among men, and I hope the rest of his life is filled with prosperity and happiness and like, that he finds $20 on the ground every week for the rest of his life.
Update: Every time Contractor sees me, he does a little Devil Horns gesture at me and its adorable.
Update the Second: I saw Contractor while doing my tour and he told me that the guy that asked if I was single was around, and that if I saw him, I should just make complicated hand gestures at him while I walk by to scare him off.
a lot of people on here are very adamant that ever reading any material whatsoever written by your opposition is morally wrong which i think is deeply stupid… reading something doesnt mean you automatically agree with it, but it does mean youve gleaned some insight into the oppositions views in their own words which imo is imperative to actually arguing against them
also frankly i think if youre in a small tight knit group of self declared activists and everybody is telling you what you can or cannot read & you can potentially face punishment for venturing off the approved reading list thats a red flag baby
I just want you guys to know that the woman of the confused lady meme is a Brazilian actress
it’s a scene from a soap opera. her character was called Nazaré Tedesco. This was one of the most iconic roles in all of Brazilian soap operas. So here goes another iconic scene (it’s Nazaré kidnapping a baby) that you guys can use to make memes:
I’m so glad this post is still going around
wtf this entire time i thought she was the tall lady from american horror story
I thought it was Julia Roberts
She’s also popular among the Brazilian LGBTQ+ community bc of a scene of her saying “lesbians. I can smell the leather from far away”
the most life-changing customer i’ve ever had at work was a guy who came up to me and my coworker when we were at cash and said ‘hey kids…. wanna see something?’
and I said sure because why the fuck not, i’m here for a good time not a long time, and this motherfucker pulled a railroad spike out of his pocket.
A GODDAMN
ANTIQUE
RAILROAD
SPIKE
It was a fucking foot long chunk of steel that weighed about five pounds on its own so i was like ‘huh….. neat’
and he said ‘wait. there’s more’ and he took out a screwdriver. inlaid into the head of the spike. ‘things aren’t always as they appear’ he said as he unscrewed the bit and pulled out of this goddamn railroad spike
a statue
a tiny, tiny golden statue stood on the base of this flathead screw. it was a tiny golden man standing next to a tiny golden flower with gemstones in the petals. the whole thing was smaller than my thumbnail is tall. it was detailed enough that the tiny man had facial features. it was amazing.
‘oh my god,’ i said. ‘how long did it take you to make that?’
‘here’s a word of advice,’ he said, ‘never answer that question when people ask it. it devalues your work. you’ll get faster and better at things, and be able to make more art in less time. they don’t need to know about the process, just the product’.
and he left and that’s the one artistic piece of advice i definitely wanna hold to.
I'm Still Kicking 